The isolation edit.

It’s true that we won’t ever (I bloody hope it’s true) experience another time in our lives like this one. The unnerving & terrifying undertone to everyday life is so present in me as a parent that I sometimes find it hard to comprehend how the girls must be feeling. Posie is luckily one (I’ll come back to her) she doesn’t know anything, she literally laughs when you say pineapple (I think it must be my face) but she can’t get enough of it. Ada however, my poor little Ada. Is so bloody confused. Yesterday she said she felt strange, we’ve been trying to teach her about feelings & how we can communicate them to other people. She said she felt strange in her fingers …. “ok” so what does that actually mean then? Do your fingers actually feel strange? (Frantically Google’s … “is a corona virus symptom in fingers?”) “Mummy, they feel strange because they can’t go anywhere because of their germys, they can’t cuddle Mimi or Aba or Doodie” which firstly for a 3 year old to articulate means she is 100% without a doubt a child prodigie, secondly the most heartbreaking sentence you could ever hear. For context, Mimi is my mum, Aba my Dad & Doodie, my best friends little girl. She’s smart and she understands that she can’t go to preschool and see her beloved Mrs F & she can’t go to baby ballet and see Miss V but the thing she keeps saying is “Mummy; why is Daddy always here! 😂”

I’m sure like many of you, I wrote a daily timetable of lessons and crafts to give a structure for her. I spent a great deal on learning supplies from amazon, I’ve kept egg cartons, cereal boxes, milk bottles, & as parents we are single handily keeping play dough in credit. BUT… there are only so many bloody crafts you can do. We’ve salt doughed, we’ve stuck spaghetti in the colander holes, we’ve frozen everything in ice! You name it we’ve frozen it, we’ve played in oats, we’ve painted everything in our house, we’ve crafted the shit out of life, we’ve done cosmic yoga, virtual baby ballet, story times with teachers, obstacle courses in the garden, obstacle courses in the house, we’ve built dens outside, we’ve built dens inside, we’ve been in the paddling pool, we’ve sat in a bucket, nature hunts, treasure hunts….IT IS ENDLESS. Just when you think you’ve easily brought yourself a good hour of just being able to sit on your own. 2 minutes has passed and you hear “MUMMY!!!!!!!”

Posie – DUCKING HATES SLEEP!!!

This is by FAR, like so far, like I’m so far away right now people think I’m missing, The HARDEST period of parenting I (we) have ever done. A 3 year old and a 1 year old that doesn’t sleep in lockdown with absolutely no rest. I fear people will mistake me for a swollen aged potato at the end of this. For the person eating a bat, good one! 🙄

Things I now enjoy; I am now an avid runner (liked it before) but my god I LIVE for it now. I enjoy a prolonged trip to the loo (once Jamie has finished work) I just stand in there for a bit on my own. Playing hide and seek has taken on an entirely new meaning (I take it so seriously just so I can sit on my own in the coat cupboard …. got 3.5 minutes out of that the other day) WINE, nothing else to say about that just wine!

For people who parent alone, or have to work along side parenting I salute you. I’m a stay at home Mum so in a way I’m used to the solitude of it but not the daunting thought when you look at the clock and it reads 6.32am and you have 12.5 hours ahead of you that’s it’s just you and them (Jamie’s working upstairs and he actually works which is a bit disappointing 😂) For people who don’t have gardens, or people who have lost a job, or hate their partners, or hate their kids 😂, have no money, people who have lost someone to this awful awful virus I can’t even imagine what that must be like. I feel gratitude in that we’re healthy, we’re lucky and we’re extremely fortunate to have everything we need.

BUT… the second lockdown is done. These kids are being shipped to the rents for the week. I’m going on a mad bender & then I’ll sleep it off for a ridiculous amount of time!

Stay safe, stay sane and keep eating

peace

✌🏼

The Covid edit.

Remember that time I got Covid when I was 30 weeks pregnant, yea me too. Still suffering day 10 In isolation and still very much suffering the symptoms of the nastiest germ ever!

To say it’s tough is an understatement, physically, emotionally and mentally it’s horrendous. But, I keep thinking it could always be worse, I’m doubled vaxxed -THANK THE LORD, I can breathe, the girls are a ok and baby is moving around nicely in there & Jamie’s alright ….. but I can’t wait for her to arrive now.

It’s a strange thing, to be poorly with one of the weirdest covid symptoms (tmi coming up….upset tummy) I’ve lost a stone in 10 days, I’ve been on 4 IV drips, I’m injecting myself daily for 28 days to ensure I don’t get a blood clot, I’ve got medication and all the while counting my babies kicks like a mentalist. I haven’t cuddled the girls for nearly a week, I’ve seen Jamie whilst he’s been stood in the garden and I’ve been on my own. (FaceTime is a godsend) Which in some ways, is a relief as I can literally just sit BUT I’m desperate for a cuddle now.

When you’re a parent even when you’re at you’re absolute lowest your first thought still isn’t for you, the second thought isn’t even for you I think my own well-being is still about number 5 on the list. Which is kind of a blessing, gives you something to focus on.

I don’t even know what the point of this post is, a snippet for me to remember how I feel in this moment. Scared, anxious, thankful, desperate, turning a little religious as I keep praying to feel better, unable to focus, distracted and longing for my baby girl to arrive safety. ❤️

I have one more sleep until the rabble come home, so that means disinfecting the shit out of everything, windows open, all linen to be washed & getting all the rest I can.

Covid is the worst!

peace ✌🏼

The Dennis edit

Hands up who’s got poorly children in the great storm 🙋🏼‍♀️

Give or take a few blissful tip top healthy days we’ve been plagued by runny noses, horrid coughs and snot covered tops for about 8 weeks. One gets rid of it then the other catches etc etc…& now they’ve both got it … AGAIN!

We’ve had croup, steroids for croup, ambulance trips, high temps, antibiotics, rashes from antibiotics, ones allergic to penicillin. I’m taking temperatures approximately every 4 minutes as I’m terrified Ada is going to have another seizure & I’m pretty sure I am single handedly keeping Calpol afloat!

To top it off, we’re bloody trapped. A weekend like this pre kid is absolutely blissful. Box sets, food, wine, a little snooze, maybe a bath, bit of yoga maybe and a good nights sleep. Oh but don’t worry, I would definitely have thought “my god, I’ve had no time to do anything this weekend, it’s run away with me” 😂

Post kid… 😅 well, what haven’t we done. Bowling, obstacle courses, play dough, cutting stuff, sticking stuff, playhouse, seasides, police, hide and seek, running, hopping, pretending to be in a coffee shop (feat. Coffee shop Spotify playlist) in your own house because you’re all losing your minds!!!

All this. Pre 11am.

Earlier Ada and I talked about how we’re going to live our lives post rain. We talked like this for a good 10 minutes. Then we looked out of the window and Ada said , “it’s not happening today though Mummy. Let’s do jumping again” to set the scene for you there isn’t anything more to it, we just jump. Sometimes she may jump over something but mainly she just bloody loves jumping 🤷🏼‍♀️

What makes the #stormlife worse, we’ve decided as a household to ban YouTube kids, I regret it. We could really do with Diana & Roma opening a few suprise eggs tbh. Take the edge off.

Sooo now it seems like we have substituted YouTube for Icebuns, they are so full of buns it’s plausible they may pop! I’m using them as currency, let’s have a break from jumping have a bun. Go on!

I’ve also just remembered it’s now bloody HALF TERM 😳 Jamie’s away this week, he’s out for a day next weekend & he’s having dinner out tomorrow. SEND HELP or more buns 🤣

peace ✌🏼

The Reality Edit.

Welllll two kids is a bit hard then isn’t it? An observation from an old lady yesterday, “you’ve got your hands full, what a busy mum you are” This was said to me, whilst holding Posie in the softplay toilets after Ada had pooped her Knick knicks & went down the slide 👍🏼

I’m balancing Posie on my knee as I don’t want her to sit on a toilet floor, Ada is sad because she’s got no knicks on anymore and all she can think about is not missing the birthday cake 😂 (that’s my girl)

Well in response to the old lady, well yes I really do have my hands full. Quite literally, one with a baby and one with poop!

I feel like we’re really in the midst of it at the moment. Posie at the awkward age where she can’t quite walk yet and all she says is “Ta” & “Dada” Ada at the “I could lose my shit over anything at any moment stage” it’s terrifying. I can’t leave them in a room together. I found that Ada had drawn on Posies scalp with a biro, I don’t know when she did that. It wasn’t today 😂 Poor Posie, she’s been waking around with Blue Bic all over her head. I asked Ada when she did it and she replied saying “Twenty two eight weeks” so that was helpful.

Ada’s at preschool now, 2 days a week! I was bloody traumatised when she first started after Christmas, I missed her so much on her first day I actually sobbed. Now. Well now I use Monday’s and Tuesday’s to decompress, let my nervous system relax and my shoulders untense 😂

It’s weird with your second because I almost feel guilty when it’s just Posie and I, like I can’t do anything fun incase Ada catches us. Ada had me for so long on her own and the 2 days where it’s just P and I feels a little unnerving. It’s weird. But. Side note. If Second child syndrome is a thing, she’s gonna have it. 100% poor kid.

Ada woke her up this morning, wanna know how? Singing Twinkle, twinkle at her, sounds cute. Reality, it wasn’t singing, she screamed it in her face. Posie woke up, startled AF, looked at me for reassurance and then absolutely laughed her head off.

As an only child I don’t understand or can’t possibly begin to comprehend what it must be like to share your Parents attention with someone else. I’m used to 100% of it all the time (explains a lot 😂) I don’t mean anymore, TO CLARIFY , I’m not saying “look at me mum and dad, whilst juggling on a unicycle”

The point I’m trying to make is, I can understand why Ada sometimes acts up or loses her shit. For 2.5 years she was it. Everything. Everything revolved around her and now she has to share her most beloved people and possessions with this hairy little monkey that looks like a shrunken version of herself.

With Posie I guess she knows no different, I’m just thankful I get two days with just us. So my guilt can ease off and at least feel like I’m giving them the same level of attention. Which, you know you aren’t. We haven’t even brought the jumperoo down from the loft for Posie yet, she’ll be at uni soon.

With two it’s not the constant tiredness (EXHAUSTION), it’s not the mayhem, the tantrums, the struggles at bedtime, the mood swings, the snatching of toys, the mess, the donks to the head, the trying to have a wee or a shower without anyone there 😳, the struggles of getting them both in or out of the car/trolley/pram/swing (you get the picture), the dinner time rush, the general feeling of pure frazzledness. It’s the Mum guilt of feeling like you aren’t able to give either one 100% of your time and attention and it’s awful. I know they won’t remember, but I will. It’s hard. I can’t remember the last time I went to bed and thought “yep, nailed that today!” I do it was April 2015 (pre kids 😂)

I say all this but I’m way up to have a 3rd and a 4th but Jimbob quite literally thinks I’m a mental person. Watch this space. 😂

Oh and just to had another cool non stressful life event into the mix. We’re moving 😬

peace x